Daily Bread

Today I ate seven slices of bread, two for my morning peanut butter and jam sandwich, two for my crunchy peanut butter on toast at coffee break, one slice of toast to go with my lunch, and two more crunchy peanut butters for my afternoon coffee. According to my loaf, that is half. I find that you can't go wrong with toast. As I have previously stated, I really like toast. But surprisingly with all this bread consumption I haven't been consuming much Jesus. I get these little urges to pray or read or to do anything but sit on the computer or watch tv, but it doesn't take much for them to go away. Then I wonder why I can't feel Him, or why it doesn't seem like anything is happening. I make up ideas that I'm in a low point of my spiritual walk and soon I'll be climbing back up that mountain really experiencing truth and peace. But really, I'm lying to myself and I'm lying to those around me. Sure I believe at one point I might have been a bit low, but I choose to become comfortable with that low, and made excuses so that I could stay at that low. I really don't feel like putting the effort in to get out of this low. I find it hard to believe that after all the blessing and amazing things the Lord has done for me, that this is the attitude that I now have. I feel like if I just had one good revelation, or one sudden shock of truth, that it would jolt me back on course. But that is all to easy, and I know it. I can always wait for it, but I might be waiting forever. So this realization that I am now writing about is really a message from God from myself saying "Hello Dayron, I'm here but I'm waiting for you. You need to make the choice. This is not how I want you to be. Seek Me and know Me." Perhaps you could pray that I choose Him instead of me, I don't know what that choice will mean and I'm a little scared. And even though there are hard and confusing times, I'm sure glad there's more to life than toast.